Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Reflections of what?

Warning: the following is a satirical piece I have written. I may have "blown up" or "exaggerated" a few details to make them seem more funny.

I think PTA sucks. I might go all postal on cute little moms who inspire their childrens' creativity to dream, to draw, to paint. I am not one of those moms. The only thing I really want to inspire my children to do is read their books and go to bed. I know a lot of you are those moms; I know you love the PTA and show up to meetings -- on time even -- good on ya mates. But I am not one of those moms.
Maybe my PTA miserhood began when I taught at a high school. Teacher appreciation? No. There was no love for the high school teachers on teacher appreciation. I never even knew that such an event existed until I had kids in elementary school. Now, while I am grinchishly humming, I take salads, desserts, and well-thought out gifts to the school in honor of teacher appreciation as a room mother. Maybe the parents of high schoolers got burnt out on PTA during the elementary years, or it could be perhaps that the parents of high schoolers did not want to even think about their "lovely teenagers" during school hours. Whatever the reason the heart or the shoes, woops that's the wrong story.
So, the PTA, in all their glory, with all their structured, perfectly blue-personalitied mother volunteers, hosts this reflections contest. My kids sort of wanted to enter but didn't want to do any of the work. That might be a reflection on what a bad mom I am. We, as parents, are not supposed to alter the outcome of the drawing or painting or photograph or story. How is that possible? Our kids are not creative (maybe yours are) they don't know the first thing about what beauty is... I wanted their work to be great. I wanted them to practice, think, and spend time on the piece. That's not the way my kids envisioned it.
So, we went to the canyon to take photos. We point out interesting bits of fall beauty, and the kids snap it. We're done right? OH, so not right. We put the photos on the computer, we look for the best ones, I taught Quinton to make a collage on photoshop, we get the prints printed. We're done right?
No. We have to look for a mat, look up the guidelines on the website, print off the entry forms, have the kids fill out their own entry forms (way more painful than doing it myself), look up the guidelines again for the fortieth time because we forgot how to submit the stuff, run to Walgreens to get a manila file folder and masking tape and sheet protectors so we can submit their entries correctly, run to Rite Aid to buy a manila file folder because Walgreens only sells them in packs of 48 for $7 (when I only need 1)! Run to the school, assemble the correct forms in the correct page protectors, attach them with said masking tape, and turn them into the secretary. After all that, we should be done right? NO, the school calls, and some PTA cutesy volunteer tells me I didn't sign the entry forms. AAHHH! I signed the media release waivers, but not the actual entry forms.
So, I have determined, this contest is actually a reflection on how crazy I am to enter it! Correction: "help" my kids enter it. Now my kids' pieces will be judged along with the other parents who "helped" their kids enter. Don't worry PTA: I hear science fairs are even worse.


Hali said...

HA HA HA HA HA! Satire really is your strength (well, I'm sure there are many... but comedy is hard, and you do it well.)

A few things...
1)My sophomore English teacher rocked. Even if "teacher appreciation" was MIA. Would you like me to come decorate your front door?!? You know I would :-)

2) I always score "blue" on those darn-try-to-pinpoint-my-personality-color-mabobbers. (Yes, that is a word.) If I turn into one of those PTA "blue personality" go-get-'em mommers, there will be NO laughing. Deal?

3) My mother STILL has the pics she and father drove us up Provo canyon to take for one such reflection contest. I was like 10and could have cared less, but I won a cool piece of plastic with my name on it. I'm now a world-renowned photographer... oh wait.

Moral of the story: some things NEVER change. GOOD LUCK! :D

Hali said...

PS... that is perhaps the longest blog comment I've ever written. Yikes.

Carrie said...

I laughed at this post. I saw the Reflections contest paper and didn't even tell Brady about it. I decided I had no time to deal with it. I figure he has a lot of years left to enter. :) Good for you for doing so much work!

Laura Pants said...

Haha - AMEN! I am a way slacker mom, and seriously just wish that they would stop sending home homework for "me."

Lisa said...

We have had hoops to jump through also. Katelyn recored a piano piece on tape with her piano teacher. It turns out they wanted it on CD's only. Her piano teacher was not happy.