Stock up on toothbrushes

I receive cutesy little e-mails from Pampers that say "Jacey is now 22 months old..." and then they go on to say things she might be doing such as "She could be really interested in banging on pots and pans right now." I always think, are you kidding me? They just don't know Jacey. If I were to write these e-mails, they wouldn't be so cutesy. They would actually be helpful. Mine would sound something like this:

Jacey is now 22 months old. Here are some of the things you can do at this age. 1)Go buy an inordinate amount of toothbrushes because she will dunk every single one you own in a toilet. Even though the experts say that toilets aren't the germiest areas of the house, I sure can't put one in my mouth after seeing it go in the toilet. It doesn't matter if you have child proof locks on these drawers, she is so determined at this age that she will do anything to lay her hands on them. 2) Don't try to help. Offers to hold her hand down some stairs or help her open some crackers will only result in a shrieking noise that will melt your ear drums followed by the famous phrase "I do it!" 3) Lay on the floor at your own peril. Enough said. 4) Do not, under any circumstances, take on any extra household project such as painting your house, doing laundry, or cleaning your kitchen. She will see to it that you don't get it done, she will make a mess out of whatever you're doing, and if you do somehow manage to get it done, she will mess it up afterwards. 5) While trick-or treating, do not expect her to let you carry her, her treat bucket, or her Yoda hood. Do not expect to make it to more than five houses per hour. (Jeff had to deal with that one)

Disclaimer: She has now been loved to death for over 22 months.